Day 5 #100TerrifyingDays

Work, work, work. Today at work, I made sure everyone I talked to knew I stuttered, that is the beauty of voluntary stuttering. And i made a point, a few times today, to hold eye contact with a customer or two, just to challenge myself. Usually at work, Im doing so much with my hands that I rarely have the time to just look at a custom and help them, so I made a point, to slow down a bit and really address the people that I was talking to. In life i think thats really important. so, there ya go

Day 4 #100TerrifyingDays Challenge

Went to a cute little bar in the village downtown with another friend that stutters Samantha. Let me just say, Im not a bar person, Im a grandma at times. I hate loud music unless Im dancing in a club and I'm not really much of a drinker. But we went to this cute little bar and the music was a bit loud, so I really made it a point to work on open and clean stuttering over the music and over the loud noise, which was difficult but, I did it. I also asked a guy to take our picture while stuttering very loudly over the music (Pic below). Then Sam asked for another one and she stuttered as well, I think the thought we were playing a game on him....whatevs. Ya'll have a good night now.

Day 3 #100 TerribleDays Challenge

So todays challenge was a little different. I did a lot of open voluntary stuttering with customers, Ive always felt a fondness for voluntary stuttering (after I got over the hump of needing to be fluent) and as I use it more I realize how much I really do like it. It just puts it out there. When my first words come out, with easy stuttering, people get it. I can see their minds process, oh she stutters, ok, and then we go on with the task at hand. I like this type of non-verbal communication. So anyway, my challenge today was to walk up to a customer and ask her where she had gotten her hair done. I liked her hair, and I want to do something different to mines when I travel in September, so that I don't have to do too much to it. I walked up to this beautiful tall woman, and immediately felt the struggle. I struggled. I struggled through out the entire conversation which ended up being about 30 minutes long because we then began talking about a slew of other things. But I did it. And I did get a few easy stutters in there, but the urge to fight the stutter is just the universe letting me know that I still have work to do. No problem. I have 97 more days of this so Im up for the challenge. But the woman also said that, the effort that it took for me to walk up to her and tell her that I liked her hair, really touched her heart. And she knew that it really wasn't about her hair but about my heart. People really do see the real you when you allow it to shine though. So, today was a success.

Day 2 #100TerrifyingDays TWERK CLASS!

I was leaving a twerk class. Yes I said TWERK CLASS. I hate doing the same workout everyday, so I switch it up a bit, and even though I did a lot of talking today I didn't plan any of it, so I decided to walk up to a man on the street and ask him how to get to the 2 train using voluntary stuttering. He gave me directions that were completely wrong (I live off the 2 train) which made me think back to when I would give people completely wrong directions in NYC on purpose because I didn't want to stutter while talking to them. Sorry to all the tourist I may have gotten lost on their NYC journey. There was struggle in the beginning, but I promised myself I would get through one stutter with complete eye contact. As I was leaving I hunkered down and said thank you, it was a pretty long thank you and I kept eye contact till the end. SUCCESS.

Bonus #100TerrifyingDays

So, this one doesn't count, but it propelled me to begin this challenge. I was invited to this event on Saturday, free food, free everything, why not go. So I get there, and my friend Mark...youve seen him in the Stuttering at the Mall video was working the event. Oh the odd jobs we do in our twenties in NYC. I did catering for about a year and a half...PEOPLE ARE A TRIP! Anyway, Mark challenged me to ask someone to take a picture of us, so I did...and here it is. So Im just gonna put that on in my back pocket.

Day 1 #100TerrifyingDays

So, today I decided to ease into the challenge. I was on the subway going to Queens for a meeting, and wanted to challenge myself on the train. Because the subway is such a closed in space I had always been aware of people watching me talk or watching me stutter. Today I was sitting next to a man, maybe in his late twenties, reading an article on his phone. I of course had my phone in my pocket, but I needed to complete the challenge, so I asked him the time, using voluntary stuttering. My first reflex when I feel a voluntary stutter is going to turn into a real stutter is to close my eyes. I fought this urge, I do remember a moment where my eyes did close, but I completed the task. Day 1 down.

#100TerrifyingDays

For those of you that were directed here by my Youtube videos...Hey! Welcome to my blog. Ive had this blog for a few years now, my very first post is from a few yrs ago, and I come here to get my thoughts out. But now I will be documenting my #100TerrifyingDays. I will be purposely putting myself into uncomfortable speaking situations daily for the next 100 days because Ive been pretty down lately, and I need to jumpstart myself and what better way than to make you guys keep me accountable. I mean, I can't not do it now, Ive already done a video about it and now this blog. So for the next 100 days I will be posting my challenge. Maybe you guys can help me come up with my 100th challenge, it has to be a good one. Alright Ill se you guys a little later today.

I Truly Pity the Impatient.

I decided to take some time away from editing my next youtube video (you can click that link and subscribe) to talk about tho small circumstance that I had yesterday at work. So I currently work in customer service and a specialty store in NYC. This store literally has a cult following and people get so serious about their products, I often want to tell them to relax and life won't end if they don't get their rosemary doused macadamia nuts, but, who am I to tell people whats really important in life?

Anyway, I had an encounter yesterday with this lady who clearly had an issue with interrupting people while they were talking, she also had the 'my time is more important than your time syndrome', with a sprinkle of impatience just to top it off. So, As I'm walking to the back room to look for a product for another customer this lady calls me, she didn't literally call me, although I do wear a name tag, she kinda said "Hey, I need some help." Im used to this, so I turned around put on my "yes ma'am" smile and patiently waited for her question. She wanted to know what sorbate meant. We sell dried fruit as well, and these particular ones were sorbate free. For those who do not know sorbate is a preservative that is used in the drying and packaging of dried fruits and a few other goods.

This particular day had been a bit of a trying one speech wise. When talking with familiar people my stress was at a minimum, however today for some reason, I was more sensitive to talking to people that I didn't know, and my stutter reflected that. These days happen, Im pretty used to them. every morning I usually take inventory of my stutter, where it is, and adjust myself to it. Doing this reminds me that I do not have complete control over everything let alone my speech, and reminds me of the importance of flexibility, the willingness to evolve and change. There goes my stutter teaching me life lessons again.

So, the word preservative has a lot of syllables and starts with a 'P', you know all the dreaded things that a lot of stutterers hate. SO, I knew this word would be a struggle for me, I felt myself fearing it, so I chose to do some voluntary stuttering on it, before I could get to the third bounce in p-p-p-perservatives, this lady says "can you get me someone who knows what their talking about?" Now in the past I would have just walked off, grabbed a co-worker and had them talk to her. Instead, I said "I do know what Im talking about.." She then interrupted me again. I then said "I have a stutter and if you just..." her reply "I don't know what your talking about, can you get me.." I say one more time, "I'm trying to answer your question.." She interrupts me again. At this point, I know their is no reason for me to continue this conversation. This woman has proven that she doesn't have the capacity to be patient enough to get the answer to her question, and Ive advertised and tried my best to communicate in a forward moving manner, so I politely grabbed one of my co-workers asked if she could take this ladies question and I walked in the back room to continue helping my previous customer. My co-worker then followed me in the back room asking the answer to the lady's question because she didn't know what sorbate was. Needless to say this made me feel even more empowered. 

I am aware that non-stutterers expect other people to not stutter as well, and when that doesnt happen, it throws them off a bit. Well maybe no one should expect anything from anyone at anytime. This is where presence comes into play. If we are present in all interactions we aren't expectant of other people, we take what is given to us as it is given. This customer would have realized, oh, this young woman does not speak like me, let me take a second to listen, or she can take an extra five minutes searching her answer from another employee, the choice is hers. Either way I walked away feeling good.

I also walked away from the situation pitying her, and feeling very proud of myself, and happy that I have something that has taught me to remain present, and keeps me from being incredibly self involved. This was a success in my book, I doubt she learned anything from this interaction, but Ive been reassured that Im on the path that works for me, and that brought joy to my heart.