I just had a thought. I was cleaning up, while dancing and/or maybe twerking to Beyonce (Im not ashamed). But I just had a thought.....ready?
So ever since I began speech therapy, I have been working on the importance of feeling shame and recovering. As a stutterer I can say that I feel shame often. Its less now than it has ever been, but there are moments of shame that come, specially is high anxiety situations. In the past I would dwell on speech situations that went horribly (in my mind) for sometimes days after the event occurred. Now, I force myself to not dwell on these events, but make an assessment and continue with my day. Getting to this point even has taken a lot of time....this is where the big Oprah AHAH moment comes.
We as stutterers have the opportunity to practice recovering from shame (for myself) multiple times a day. That makes us so resilient. Such fighters. We can choose to go through this life, picking ourselves back up over and over, thus making us stronger and stronger. . We just have to make the choice to make the shame make us stronger. (can you say that 4x's fast)
The average person doesn't have this.^^
The average person, and when I say average I mean someone who does not have an ailment or disability that is apparent and not hidden. The average person can more easily decide to hide their shame until moments in life bring it out to the forefront.
I urge you and myself, to see this challenge to build yourself stronger than you ever thought possible. Shame and fear is there for us to learn from not hide from. Getting to the other side only makes us stronger, better, more compassionate, and much more interesting.
Let's Do It!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Stuttergirl In a Play...Yay!
I know its been a minute since Ive updated, but I was going through this callback process for this play, after 4 Callbacks, I am a cast member!!!!! I wont slip the details yet, but you are all invited once I can spill the beans. I can say, that its in NYC and its by a wonderful playwright, and Im excited...ok now on to stutter business.
This weeks challenge thought up by myself and my speech pathologist, again is to openly voluntary stutter to three people that I do not know everyday. Its not easy, sometimes I just don't want to talk to people, some days I already feel insecure and stuttering in front of a person feels like standing in front of them nude...and somedays I just want to stay in and eat dark chocolate all day. But those are the days when I have to push the hardest...I actually just finished making 5 phone calls to restaurants (for practice), because the phone call I just received to accept the role in the play, caught me completely off guard and all my secondaries came glaring out...and I didn't disclose/advertise womp womp.
Desensitization is the key...I hope this really is the key. Otherwise I might as well be at the wrong house.
BTW crossfit has been amazing, I am addicted and now go 5-6 times a week. This morning I crawled to the gym in the snow, and was very happy I went once the 'After Workout Happy Hormones' began to hit me.
Im going to post a longer blog this evening (I think) talking about bracing for the stutter. With my speech Ive trained myself in such a way that before I even open my mouth I brace for a stutter, I always expect a stutter. Im now trying to ways to combat that...I will elaborate of this later.
Until then, have a wonderful day my lovelies, stutter beautifully, and pray for spring to show its face PLEASE!!!!!
This weeks challenge thought up by myself and my speech pathologist, again is to openly voluntary stutter to three people that I do not know everyday. Its not easy, sometimes I just don't want to talk to people, some days I already feel insecure and stuttering in front of a person feels like standing in front of them nude...and somedays I just want to stay in and eat dark chocolate all day. But those are the days when I have to push the hardest...I actually just finished making 5 phone calls to restaurants (for practice), because the phone call I just received to accept the role in the play, caught me completely off guard and all my secondaries came glaring out...and I didn't disclose/advertise womp womp.
Desensitization is the key...I hope this really is the key. Otherwise I might as well be at the wrong house.
BTW crossfit has been amazing, I am addicted and now go 5-6 times a week. This morning I crawled to the gym in the snow, and was very happy I went once the 'After Workout Happy Hormones' began to hit me.
Im going to post a longer blog this evening (I think) talking about bracing for the stutter. With my speech Ive trained myself in such a way that before I even open my mouth I brace for a stutter, I always expect a stutter. Im now trying to ways to combat that...I will elaborate of this later.
Until then, have a wonderful day my lovelies, stutter beautifully, and pray for spring to show its face PLEASE!!!!!
Monday, March 11, 2013
This weeks stutter homework! And some acting stuff too!
Ok so, my super awesome wonderful speech pathologist and I have come up with a challenge for myself, to openly voluntary stutter with three people that I do not know every day this week. Not bad. I can do it. I actually began this exercise on Saturday, and so far so good...now this is where I connect crossfit to stuttering
I love crossfit, Ive only beein doing it for a week, and I LOVE IT!!!! The thing I love most about it, is that we often tell ourselves that we cannot do something...when I look at the weights this trainer guy wants me to pick up, I always think, "WTF I CANT DO THAT"...then guess what! I DO...I ALWAYS DO IT!!!!! ITS AMAZING! So needless to say, crossfit is helping me develop mental strength, and I AM LOVING IT!!!
I Also have a callback today....big whoop...I get called back a lot, its my thing...the getting cast part is the hard part, you have to pretty much be 80% of what the person wants when you walk in the door, despite how great your audition is...otherwise, its back to the drawing board...thank God for my crossfit or Id go nuts.
Ok yall, Ill be back with maybe a VLOG!!!!! Any topics you guys are interested in me discussing?
Peace, Love, Soul, and sexy stuttering to you all!
I love crossfit, Ive only beein doing it for a week, and I LOVE IT!!!! The thing I love most about it, is that we often tell ourselves that we cannot do something...when I look at the weights this trainer guy wants me to pick up, I always think, "WTF I CANT DO THAT"...then guess what! I DO...I ALWAYS DO IT!!!!! ITS AMAZING! So needless to say, crossfit is helping me develop mental strength, and I AM LOVING IT!!!
I Also have a callback today....big whoop...I get called back a lot, its my thing...the getting cast part is the hard part, you have to pretty much be 80% of what the person wants when you walk in the door, despite how great your audition is...otherwise, its back to the drawing board...thank God for my crossfit or Id go nuts.
Ok yall, Ill be back with maybe a VLOG!!!!! Any topics you guys are interested in me discussing?
Peace, Love, Soul, and sexy stuttering to you all!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Some days are hard...hello hard day!
Well, the title says it all. A little over a month ago, I completed the intensive program at AIS (American Institute for Stuttering), it is amazing, I recommend it to everyone, and one of the biggest things I took away from it is, if I do not tackle my fear of stuttering, I will barely be able to use any of the techniques that I learned, because the fear of stuttering is stronger than the will to correct it (this was the issue for me). So now I do objectives daily, whether it be walking up to a person on the street and asking a simple question or making phone calls, or focusing on monitoring my secondary behaviors when with friends.
The past two weeks have been low fear, for me, I have been stuttering openly with little fear, disclosing with little fear, working through my stutters with relatively low fear, it felt amazing, and because of the reduced fear, I am also having reduced tension, which mean reduced secondaries, win Win WIN. Until today duh Duh DUH. I knew today would be difficult when I blocked and stuttered uncontrollably as I asked my roomate to buy another Almond Butter (She is someone I hardly block with). As a Paleo chick...almond butter is not only insanely expensive, but its one of very few foods in the house that I can eat, and she uses spoonfuls of it in her "protein shakes." This would normally be a low fear situation, but I blocked the entire time while I was trying to ask her to get a new one.
During my past few weeks of low fear speaking I would have looked at the situation and said, ok what was I feeling in that moment of the block, what was I thinking? I would have taken a step back, and examined the situation to learn from it. Instead my mind went strait to, OOOHHHH NOOOO IM STUTTERING!!!!! Which only exacerbates it, of course. This started the wall of fear, because of course if I stuttered like crazy in that encounter, I will absolutely stutter horribly in encounters with people I don't know. Well, I told myself that, and guess what happened. I did. Our sub-conscience is programmed to do whatever we tell it to, and it listened. It listened all day. Thankfully I volunteered to watch baby stutterers as AIS today, and had a chance to reprogram my thinking while there, they are always so incredibly helpful in moments like this.
I have now chosen to hop back on the forward moving bus. Since the past few weeks had gone so well, I had stopped giving myself praise for each block I worked through. I wasn't aware of how much my mind and stutter ego needs constant praise, until I stopped. I also sat down and made 10 phone calls to random restaurants in the city (a pretty low fear situation for me) asking random questions to re-instill the positive reinforcement. I also gave myself an actual pat on the back for a good pull out, or for sticking with a block, why not give yourself verbal accolades, what we do is not for the weak of heart or mind.
I still had my pity party though, don't think I didn't. I am an actress, whose emotions tend to go from 0-100 within milliseconds. But now, these emotional peaks don't last as long and aren't as traumatic, and pulling myself out of it, usually included setting an objective that I can succeed in. We have to be overly nice to ourselves in every way. I hope this reminds you to be nice to you, because as humans were usually nicer to strangers on the street, than we are to ourselves
My Group from AIS, I love them like blood.
The past two weeks have been low fear, for me, I have been stuttering openly with little fear, disclosing with little fear, working through my stutters with relatively low fear, it felt amazing, and because of the reduced fear, I am also having reduced tension, which mean reduced secondaries, win Win WIN. Until today duh Duh DUH. I knew today would be difficult when I blocked and stuttered uncontrollably as I asked my roomate to buy another Almond Butter (She is someone I hardly block with). As a Paleo chick...almond butter is not only insanely expensive, but its one of very few foods in the house that I can eat, and she uses spoonfuls of it in her "protein shakes." This would normally be a low fear situation, but I blocked the entire time while I was trying to ask her to get a new one.
During my past few weeks of low fear speaking I would have looked at the situation and said, ok what was I feeling in that moment of the block, what was I thinking? I would have taken a step back, and examined the situation to learn from it. Instead my mind went strait to, OOOHHHH NOOOO IM STUTTERING!!!!! Which only exacerbates it, of course. This started the wall of fear, because of course if I stuttered like crazy in that encounter, I will absolutely stutter horribly in encounters with people I don't know. Well, I told myself that, and guess what happened. I did. Our sub-conscience is programmed to do whatever we tell it to, and it listened. It listened all day. Thankfully I volunteered to watch baby stutterers as AIS today, and had a chance to reprogram my thinking while there, they are always so incredibly helpful in moments like this.
I have now chosen to hop back on the forward moving bus. Since the past few weeks had gone so well, I had stopped giving myself praise for each block I worked through. I wasn't aware of how much my mind and stutter ego needs constant praise, until I stopped. I also sat down and made 10 phone calls to random restaurants in the city (a pretty low fear situation for me) asking random questions to re-instill the positive reinforcement. I also gave myself an actual pat on the back for a good pull out, or for sticking with a block, why not give yourself verbal accolades, what we do is not for the weak of heart or mind.
I still had my pity party though, don't think I didn't. I am an actress, whose emotions tend to go from 0-100 within milliseconds. But now, these emotional peaks don't last as long and aren't as traumatic, and pulling myself out of it, usually included setting an objective that I can succeed in. We have to be overly nice to ourselves in every way. I hope this reminds you to be nice to you, because as humans were usually nicer to strangers on the street, than we are to ourselves
My Group from AIS, I love them like blood.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Crossfit Day 1
Yesterday was my day1 of crossfit, Ive committed myself to doing 4-5 days a week of crossfit, I can say that this SH*# is no F*&%$@* joke. But it is now the next day, and I am alive and well, and ready to see how much further I can push myself. Its fun, I enjoy seeing how far to the limits I can go...upward and onward.
BTW as someone who carries a lot of tension...which effects my speech as well, I have been forcing myself to be aware of clenching in my jaw, both during workouts and during daily life and speaking situations. Always trying something new. Ill keep you posted.
These are some hardcore chicks.
BTW as someone who carries a lot of tension...which effects my speech as well, I have been forcing myself to be aware of clenching in my jaw, both during workouts and during daily life and speaking situations. Always trying something new. Ill keep you posted.
These are some hardcore chicks.Monday, March 4, 2013
Link to an interview I did with Stutter Social
I did this a while ago with one of my mentors. Its a good read. For those of you who do not know what Stutter Social is, its a site, that uses Google Chat to connect stutterers from all over the world through video conferencing. Because so many of us have never met another person who stutters, its a great way to get out there a bit. Stutter Social. Check it out. My interview with Stutter Social
Much Love
Jacquelyn Joyce Revere
Much Love
Jacquelyn Joyce Revere
Crossfit Challenge
Well, today I begin my 30 day crossfit challenge. Over the past month I have gone Paleo, so I have omitted dairy, legumes, grains, and such from my diet, and Who would have known but I really really enjoy it. I had no idea how intolerant to both wheat and dairy I was until I took it out of my system. So today marks the day where I GO HARD IN THE PAINT! I would post a before and after, but at the moment im too vain for that, I will take the picture and maybe post it, when I post my after...hey you guys, I AM PROMISING that I will post an after so hold me to it ok. As an actor my body is my business so I have to keep it in tip top performance. Be blessed yall. Oh yeah, last night I was having a talk with my roomie Tracie, and I worked very hard on speaking on the breath, it was successful.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
New and Improved or in Progress...
Ok friends, so its been some time since I have been on here, I am so sorry, but I had to take time to figure life out, being an adult is super hard. Anyway, well, I have graduated grad school, May 2012, with my Master in Acting...(you should be happy that I wasn't blogging during those years, you would have been worried) and now I am beginning my career. I shot a commercial in December that aired all month on the USA Network. Ill find it and post it...they cut my speaking part, but you can still see me in all my actor glory...wish my speaking part was still in it though...and now, I am just auditioning, and auditioning...like a crazy person...so let the fun begin. I like the idea of vlogging, so I'm going to do a bit of that as well, I hope to build a great repoire with ALL OF YOU!!!!
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