The email's been sent, the appointment is made, Im going back to speech therapy and I am beyond excited about it. Its been about a year since my last visit. Im combing over the past year trying to figure out why I left, and dig though what was going on with me that made me make the decision to leave. I think some of it was me wanting to see how far I could go on my own, if I could stick to my positive thinking and redirect myself whenever I fell off track, which i did for a good while, but then I veered left, then went off the road, drove into a lake, canoed back to shore, then for some reason took a helicopter far far away from where I initially began. And the whole stuttering on live tv thing just furthered it. (You can check my previous post for that juicy story.) But now Im back home. Not to mention my therapist is maybe one of my top ten favorite people in the world and I don't know why I would decide to go an entire year without seeing her face, it just doesn't make any sense.
If I force myself to do a little more self exploration, for me, returning to therapy was a sign of failure. I failed at curing myself, I failed at living my life without this extra bit of help. During this year I didn't go to a support group, I didnt see any of my friends who stutter, I completely left the stuttering world, (except for those of you who sent messages via youtube or Facebook, I still love talking people through their stuttering ups and downs, because that journey, is rough.) At the same time I joined the comedy world, met some invaluable people who are now important fixtures in my life, and now I believe I can merge the two. Maybe this is just how my brain works, I need immerse myself in one thing, step back then figure out how to fit it into my life. I do a lot, and know a lot of people and its the prioritizing of it that can get very difficult.
Im also, applying for new jobs in comedy writing, and video production and to be completely honest, the whole job interview process scares the shit out of me. Maybe because I've experienced enormous amounts of rejection in the past (as have everyone else applying for jobs, I'm aware of that) But nothing is more crushing that sitting down for an interview and barely being able to speak. Not being able to get any of your accomplishments or abilities out in a timely manner. Each moment of silence feels like a wall of doubt building up in the interviewers mind. But alas, this is the world I live in and this is the world I must succeed in, and this is the world that I will try my damnedest to conquer. So onward I go. Im working on a million and 1 projects at the moment, so I will update you when the time comes. I will update you on my return to my stutter goddess, I'm so excited to see her again.
If I force myself to do a little more self exploration, for me, returning to therapy was a sign of failure. I failed at curing myself, I failed at living my life without this extra bit of help. During this year I didn't go to a support group, I didnt see any of my friends who stutter, I completely left the stuttering world, (except for those of you who sent messages via youtube or Facebook, I still love talking people through their stuttering ups and downs, because that journey, is rough.) At the same time I joined the comedy world, met some invaluable people who are now important fixtures in my life, and now I believe I can merge the two. Maybe this is just how my brain works, I need immerse myself in one thing, step back then figure out how to fit it into my life. I do a lot, and know a lot of people and its the prioritizing of it that can get very difficult.
Im also, applying for new jobs in comedy writing, and video production and to be completely honest, the whole job interview process scares the shit out of me. Maybe because I've experienced enormous amounts of rejection in the past (as have everyone else applying for jobs, I'm aware of that) But nothing is more crushing that sitting down for an interview and barely being able to speak. Not being able to get any of your accomplishments or abilities out in a timely manner. Each moment of silence feels like a wall of doubt building up in the interviewers mind. But alas, this is the world I live in and this is the world I must succeed in, and this is the world that I will try my damnedest to conquer. So onward I go. Im working on a million and 1 projects at the moment, so I will update you when the time comes. I will update you on my return to my stutter goddess, I'm so excited to see her again.
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