Ok, so lately Ive been really into positive thinking and progression, and a lotta Super Sunday Oprah Marrianne Williamson type of higher power type stuff. It cool, its take discipline and hard work, but then the day comes when you realize that you are not your thoughts and little by little you train yourself to remain in that head space. It pretty effin awesome. Well that is what I have been doing for the past few weeks (well the past few months, but Im just now noticing the change), and I fall off the bandwagon sometimes but Im figuring out how to fight the temptation to get into a slump more and more and succeeding. I say all that to say that, learning to look at your world and your life in a new way can literally change your life in unspeakable ways. Dot It!
On to Updates.
Im still in the rehearsal process for the play that I am in a cautionary tail by christopher oscar pena, yes the lowercase is on purpose, here is a press release for it.
http://www.playbill.com/news/article/177195-World-Premiere-of-A-Cautionary-Tail-and-NY-Premiere-of-White-Hot-Will-Play-The-Flea
Exciting Right.
It feels good to be able to get on stage again, its been a while. Ive done some camera work but nothing much besides that. And the adrenaline of going on stage every night for an extended amount of time is something I really need right now. And sometimes its scary and sometime when I have bad speech days, it scares me but I get on that stage and put more of myself into than ever before and still do it. Because I have no other option, I chose this, it was my choice, I love my choice, it was a hard choice to make but it was mine and I made it. I took the hard road. This isn't just for stutterers, but also anyone who has decided to take the hard road because they knew it was going to be more fulfilling, I salute you, I love you, I respect you, and I fight for you.
Wow,what just happened. Ok im gonna bow out, before this turns into a session.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Hard speech week...when there are ups there will be also be downs.
Its always easy to write a blog post when things are going well and you feel like improvement is in a constant linear process. Well for the past week and a half or so, I have not felt that way at all. I have felt as though I have regressed. I have felt more fear speaking to people than I have in maybe over a month, I am tensing up more than I have in a while, and keeping eye contact has been incredibly difficult.
Whenever there are ups there are also downs, and right now I am in a down, but its ok, I have to remind myself that it is always ok to be in a down, success nor progress is linear. As an actor, these down days can be difficult, on days like these, in rehearsals or in auditions, I have to forces myself to be super present. So present to the point that I forget that I stutter. When I have memorized lines to recite, its a tad bit easier, but once I have to answer a question off the fly, my awareness of my speech begin blaring like loud music in my mind.
I have continued to voluntary stutter with three people that I do not know daily, I have also begun doing thirty minutes of practice, doing easy onsets and prolongations. Hopefully this will get me back on track. I am also trying to become more aware of myself before the moment I begin speaking, I usually tense every muscle in my body. Awareness is invaluable. When times like this arrive, I sometimes just want to give up, but I have learned and am still learning that the best thing to always do is up my practice. Its exhausting and relentless but its what has to be done.
Onward and upward.
Whenever there are ups there are also downs, and right now I am in a down, but its ok, I have to remind myself that it is always ok to be in a down, success nor progress is linear. As an actor, these down days can be difficult, on days like these, in rehearsals or in auditions, I have to forces myself to be super present. So present to the point that I forget that I stutter. When I have memorized lines to recite, its a tad bit easier, but once I have to answer a question off the fly, my awareness of my speech begin blaring like loud music in my mind.
I have continued to voluntary stutter with three people that I do not know daily, I have also begun doing thirty minutes of practice, doing easy onsets and prolongations. Hopefully this will get me back on track. I am also trying to become more aware of myself before the moment I begin speaking, I usually tense every muscle in my body. Awareness is invaluable. When times like this arrive, I sometimes just want to give up, but I have learned and am still learning that the best thing to always do is up my practice. Its exhausting and relentless but its what has to be done.
Onward and upward.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Acting and Stuttering all have breathing in common, who knew? Stuttergirl.
Man Man Man. Ok so Ive just begun rehearsals this week for the play that I am in. I AM POOPED!!!! Not to mention this week I also got some virus that has been circling around the city...it has been crazy!!!!!!! But I am back and with an update.
SO as far as speech goes, I have been voluntary stuttering with 3 people that I do not know daily. For three days this week, I let myself off the hook, and didn't do the assignment...I know GASP! But I was sick, and the last thing I care to think about while trying to keep from getting nauseous on the subway is how to breathe and control my secondaries while speaking...too much for any human.
However this week we had our first reading of the play as a cast. This was only a high fear situation for me because for this reading, all of the staff of the theatre that I will be working at attended this reading. This is where they find out if they hired the right person and can quickly swap you out need be. So for this reading I made sure that I was very familiar with the script, but also, I gave myself one thing to focus on and that was breathing. I told myself, "don't worry about the acting or being a good actor, just make sure you continue to speak on breathe." And this worked for me...it actually worked so well, that I have begun incorporating this now in my daily voluntary stuttering assignments. Now that I am no longer as fearful as I once was in these situations I can work on these tools. And even though I have just begun this new phase of this process, I can see the change, it is slow, which I expect, and I am trying to learn to stop looking for progress and continue doing what I know is helpful and good for me without need for immediate change, but sometimes being able to see some sort of change absolutely propels me to work harder and become more and more disciplined.
Thats all for this week. All in All this week was interesting, but it flew by, the beauty of being constantly busy. I hope for this to continue.
SO as far as speech goes, I have been voluntary stuttering with 3 people that I do not know daily. For three days this week, I let myself off the hook, and didn't do the assignment...I know GASP! But I was sick, and the last thing I care to think about while trying to keep from getting nauseous on the subway is how to breathe and control my secondaries while speaking...too much for any human.
However this week we had our first reading of the play as a cast. This was only a high fear situation for me because for this reading, all of the staff of the theatre that I will be working at attended this reading. This is where they find out if they hired the right person and can quickly swap you out need be. So for this reading I made sure that I was very familiar with the script, but also, I gave myself one thing to focus on and that was breathing. I told myself, "don't worry about the acting or being a good actor, just make sure you continue to speak on breathe." And this worked for me...it actually worked so well, that I have begun incorporating this now in my daily voluntary stuttering assignments. Now that I am no longer as fearful as I once was in these situations I can work on these tools. And even though I have just begun this new phase of this process, I can see the change, it is slow, which I expect, and I am trying to learn to stop looking for progress and continue doing what I know is helpful and good for me without need for immediate change, but sometimes being able to see some sort of change absolutely propels me to work harder and become more and more disciplined.
Thats all for this week. All in All this week was interesting, but it flew by, the beauty of being constantly busy. I hope for this to continue.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)